Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Homework: Interactive Fiction

Here is my story. No real plan or inspiration. Just sat down and started writing, and things started to...flow.

Thursday, October 4, 2007

Ten Dumb Things About Drivers

Okay, so I attacked Public Transportation Riders and Pedestrians, so in order to be an equal-opportunity ridiculer of dumb people, I present the Ten Dumb Things About Drivers (And yes, there are a ton more, but for fear of my blood pressure being high, so, for my health's sake...)

1. You see that little lever type thing, with the arrows, it's called a turn signal. It's not just for show. Just the other day I was driving on Portola, a two lane road each way. This car ahead of me was moving 15 miles below the speed limit moved out because the lane we were traveling was rough. At the end of the rough stretch, I attempted to pass him and he slowly drifted back ahead of me. No warning, nothing. AUGH!

2. When getting out of your, too, need to be watching for traffic. My car traveling at 30mph will take your door clean off.

3. Is it that hard to pull all the way over to the right to make your right turn? Points off your test!

4. Tailgating a car on a two lane highway (one in each direction) when there are a bunch of cars ahead of that one, will do you no good.

5. High beams are for when you can't see, not for everyday use. Blinding the car in front of you isn't a good idea.

6. Honking someone at an intersection isn't the smartest idea. Look ahead...there's someone crossing the street. If you're that in a rush, you may go around me and run into them. I call witness!

7. Read street signs. I was walking at 19th and Taraval once and this guy was trying to make a left turn. There's a street sign that says you can't do that between 7am - 9am and 4pm - 6pm. The guy in the car behind him, rolls down the window and yells! YOU CAN'T TURN. CAN'T YOU READ?! Time: 2:00pm. CAN'T YOU READ???

8. If your tires are still's not a stop.

9. In a traffic jam, stay where you are! How come you have to cut out then go all the way to the front and try to cut back in? Nobody else is doing that. Wait your turn.

10. If you wait till you get to the end of the merge, it will go smooth. One car from the left, one car from the right. Trying to merge before the actual merge is what causes traffic jams.

I found this from Carlos Mencia a while back..."Seat belt laws...why do we even have seat belt laws? if you're not smart enough to realize that a seat belt saves you then you should should just...die."

More driving nightmares here.

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

Ten Dumb Things About Pedestrians...

1. If walking in a group, you don't need to form a human chain and crawl down the sidewalk. You don't own the sidewalk.

2. Slower traffic move to the right...enough said.

3. Don't stop all of a sudden to tie your shoelace, pick up a penny, etc. This is especially important when walking in the crowd. This causes a major pileup and possibly a chain reaction crash.

4. Don't let your kids run loose. They don't walk in a straight line, and they don't watch where they're going. I wonder who wins in a collision between my knee and your kid...

5. If you need to make a U-turn, don't stop on a dime and turn around, that's called a head-on collision.

6. If you need to have a conversation...the middle of the sidewalk is NOT the place to do it.

7. Green means GO. Red means STOP. If a car is coming, don't cross against the red light. You will lose that battle.

8. Standing out in the middle of the street looking for a bus means you are blocking traffic. Stay on the sidewalk. When the bus comes you will see it. Seeing the bus 5 blocks away won't help you much, it'll still be the same result.

9. I beg you, please, please, please hurry it up when crossing a busy intersection. If there are a line of cars waiting to turn, but can't, because you're crawling across the street, be courteous. You have the right of way, but be courteous at least.

10. Be aware of your surroundings. Don't do anything that will cause a human pileup, cause people to dodge you, or cause people to generally wonder why they let you out of the mental hospital.

Solution: People equipped with turn signals.

On a more personal blogging note...I'm in a Carnival! yay! Look it up here. Unfortunately it's the last edition. :(