Thursday, November 22, 2007

Christmas Observations...

1. Holiday season, in my book, officially starts November 1.

2. Only one holiday should be advertised at a time, and should not be advertised prior to an upcoming holiday.

3. Why are candy canes being sold during Halloween candy shopping? That's nasty.

4. KOIT (96.5 FM): I am fine with you playing Christmas music 24 hours a day. I am fine with you being the "Bay Area's Christmas Station." Start the day after Thanksgiving...not a week before! Sleigh bells should not ring on my turkey!

5. Your Christmas lights...are... for Christmas, that means that they need to be taken down. Due date: January 2nd.

6. If you have your lights still hanging up from last Christmas (or 10 years prior) and just plug them in in Dec...then that isn't the point!

7. Why does Santa smell?

8. Am I the only one who thinks that the song "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" is a horrible Christmas song? You're going to traumetize the poor kid seeing Mommy cheating on Daddy like that. Geez.

9. Where can I buy a partridge in a pear tree? (or twelve for that matter)

10. How many Chistmas' is it going to take before Mariah Carey just gives up? (anyone get this reference???)

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Homework: Interactive Fiction

Here is my story. No real plan or inspiration. Just sat down and started writing, and things started to...flow.

Thursday, October 4, 2007

Ten Dumb Things About Drivers

Okay, so I attacked Public Transportation Riders and Pedestrians, so in order to be an equal-opportunity ridiculer of dumb people, I present the Ten Dumb Things About Drivers (And yes, there are a ton more, but for fear of my blood pressure being high, so, for my health's sake...)

1. You see that little lever type thing, with the arrows, it's called a turn signal. It's not just for show. Just the other day I was driving on Portola, a two lane road each way. This car ahead of me was moving 15 miles below the speed limit moved out because the lane we were traveling was rough. At the end of the rough stretch, I attempted to pass him and he slowly drifted back ahead of me. No warning, nothing. AUGH!

2. When getting out of your, too, need to be watching for traffic. My car traveling at 30mph will take your door clean off.

3. Is it that hard to pull all the way over to the right to make your right turn? Points off your test!

4. Tailgating a car on a two lane highway (one in each direction) when there are a bunch of cars ahead of that one, will do you no good.

5. High beams are for when you can't see, not for everyday use. Blinding the car in front of you isn't a good idea.

6. Honking someone at an intersection isn't the smartest idea. Look ahead...there's someone crossing the street. If you're that in a rush, you may go around me and run into them. I call witness!

7. Read street signs. I was walking at 19th and Taraval once and this guy was trying to make a left turn. There's a street sign that says you can't do that between 7am - 9am and 4pm - 6pm. The guy in the car behind him, rolls down the window and yells! YOU CAN'T TURN. CAN'T YOU READ?! Time: 2:00pm. CAN'T YOU READ???

8. If your tires are still's not a stop.

9. In a traffic jam, stay where you are! How come you have to cut out then go all the way to the front and try to cut back in? Nobody else is doing that. Wait your turn.

10. If you wait till you get to the end of the merge, it will go smooth. One car from the left, one car from the right. Trying to merge before the actual merge is what causes traffic jams.

I found this from Carlos Mencia a while back..."Seat belt laws...why do we even have seat belt laws? if you're not smart enough to realize that a seat belt saves you then you should should just...die."

More driving nightmares here.

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

Ten Dumb Things About Pedestrians...

1. If walking in a group, you don't need to form a human chain and crawl down the sidewalk. You don't own the sidewalk.

2. Slower traffic move to the right...enough said.

3. Don't stop all of a sudden to tie your shoelace, pick up a penny, etc. This is especially important when walking in the crowd. This causes a major pileup and possibly a chain reaction crash.

4. Don't let your kids run loose. They don't walk in a straight line, and they don't watch where they're going. I wonder who wins in a collision between my knee and your kid...

5. If you need to make a U-turn, don't stop on a dime and turn around, that's called a head-on collision.

6. If you need to have a conversation...the middle of the sidewalk is NOT the place to do it.

7. Green means GO. Red means STOP. If a car is coming, don't cross against the red light. You will lose that battle.

8. Standing out in the middle of the street looking for a bus means you are blocking traffic. Stay on the sidewalk. When the bus comes you will see it. Seeing the bus 5 blocks away won't help you much, it'll still be the same result.

9. I beg you, please, please, please hurry it up when crossing a busy intersection. If there are a line of cars waiting to turn, but can't, because you're crawling across the street, be courteous. You have the right of way, but be courteous at least.

10. Be aware of your surroundings. Don't do anything that will cause a human pileup, cause people to dodge you, or cause people to generally wonder why they let you out of the mental hospital.

Solution: People equipped with turn signals.

On a more personal blogging note...I'm in a Carnival! yay! Look it up here. Unfortunately it's the last edition. :(

Sunday, September 23, 2007

Ten Things That Dumb People Do On Public Transportation

Just a few things I noticed on the SF Muni (may be applicable elsewhere).

1. That thing that opens up, and people move in and out? That's a door. Don't stand there unless the car you're on is a sardine can..and you complain that people are pushing you...

2. In the aforementioned "Sardine Can" situation, and you are near the door, it is OK to leave the car and let people out. Don't worry, you can get back in.

3. Your backpack/bags double your width. Take those things off and put them by your feet. Smacking people with your backpack is not good...And don't complain that someone is pushing you, you're smacking me in the head with your big ol' bag, it's your fault.

4. It is crowded on the bus, take only ONE seat. Don't put your crap on the other seat. Don't put your feet up. Don't lie down.

5. Cell phone etiquette. Quiet voices, please. I don't want to know about what you did with your boyfriend/girlfriend last night. I don't want to know about how bad your job is, or how hot your coworker is. Also, I don't want to hear you break up with your significant other or have an argument with them. Neither do the rest of the passengers. This yelling, no swearing...and PLEASE, if you hang up on them in anger...don't call them back!

6. Let people out. Are you really in THAT big of a rush? Did you know that if you let everyone out, it's easier to get in?

7. Stop Request in the underground. You don't have to pull that string in the underground, it'll stop by itself...

8. Don't say you were "going to pay". NO you weren't. Take your ticket. Shut up.

9. It is OK to move to the back of the bus. Nobody is going to kill you back there.

10. Don't sing on the bus either, or start treating your seat as a drum. You're not that good. Also, if I can hear your music blasting out of your earphones...why is it up so loud?!!! ARE YOU DEAF...(or, at least, you will be...).

* Also, no explicit public displays of affection. That's just nasty. Get a room, not a bus.

I don't intend to change anyone's behavior with my post...just point out the stupid stuff.

Monday, September 17, 2007

I THINK they made have made a mistake...

BONUS ENTRY, Why? Because this is too dumb to pass up.

"Dead" Man Wakes Up Under Autopsy Knife

Mon Sep 17, 8:53 AM ET

The Story:

"CARACAS (Reuters) - A Venezuelan man who had been declared dead woke up in the morgue in excruciating pain after medical examiners began their autopsy.

Carlos Camejo, 33, was declared dead after a highway accident and taken to the morgue, where examiners began an autopsy only to realize something was amiss when he started bleeding. They quickly sought to stitch up the incision on his face.

"I woke up because the pain was unbearable," Camejo said, according to a report on Friday in leading local newspaper El Universal.

His grieving wife turned up at the morgue to identify her husband's body only to find him moved into a corridor -- and alive.

Reuters could not immediately reach hospital officials to confirm the events. But Camejo showed the newspaper his facial scar and a document ordering the autopsy."

Hmmm...I'm no doctor, but I think the breathing and the fact that he didn't become pale would kind of give it away...but like I said I'm not a doctor. Maybe these guys should've taken this course. Unless they want the...more extensive version.

***Picture and story courtesy of Yahoo! News/Reuters***

Thursday, September 13, 2007

On Second Chances to Run...

Location: Grand Junction, Colorado

Who: Judge Bruce Rauum

Dumb Link (News Story #1): Fugitive Dem fundraiser on the lam again
Dumb Link (News Story #2): Hsu Gets Another Chance to Post Bail (SF Gate)

Most of the time, I like to exploit dumb people that I see randomly on the street or at work. Occasionally, something in the news will strike me as dumb. This would be it.

For those of you not familiar with Mr. Norman Hsu. He's a democratic fundraiser accused of stealing and cheating donators out of millions and millions of dollars. He was fugitive for 15 years (not really hiding) until a couple of weeks ago when he surrendered, posted a $2 million bond (chump change) and was free till his court date, which he didn't show up for (now WHO could've predicted that?). They find him on a train in Colorado acting a little looney and somewhat suicidal etc. Put him to trail and tell him he's free again if he posts $5 million dollars bail.

Okay, so this guy avoided the authorities for 15 years, and, when you finally catch tell him he's free for $2 mil, which is nothing, then, as expected, he runs, you catch him, and now say, hmm....I think we're going to see if he runs again for $5 million! Come on now! That's like going fishing, wait 8 hours, get nothing, then catch the biggest fish ever and say, "We'll see if he comes back!" You don't give another chance to a guy who's run twice, notorious for running, and has the connections to run again. They KNOW he has connections. They shouldn't have given him a chance to run in the first place, but to give him a SECOND chance? How oblivious can you be?!

Of course, I could be wrong, he may post the bail, leave, and come back as scheduled. If he doesn't, well, I told you so! We'll see how long it'll take to catch him again. Perhaps they'll go for $10mil next time? Maybe the plan is to just drain his bank account, and have a little fun chasing him down in the process? Beats me. I got $10mil that it'll take them 4 years to find him again.

Next time: Dumb people who block the Exit Doors on MUNI.

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

The Lazy Parking Lot Driver

Okay. For those of you new to this (and you should be, because this IS the first post), we encounter people every day, who just don't seem to get it. They do weird actions that don't make sense to the majority of us, and continue to do it. Their odd behavior seems to create waves of other people like them. I will use this blog to expose these types of people (because singling out people is mean, and will only be used in extreme cases of dumbness). I don't claim to be the expert on behavior, but these people defy logic...I should also mention that I work with the public at a movie theatre. Anyone who has worked in customer service has some stories to tell. I'll get to those later. Now on with the stupidity!

The Lazy Parking Lot Driver

Location: Stonestown Galleria

So I've seen this alot, and even maybe my friends will do it. It's looking for a parking space as close to a door as possible, without parking on the sidewalk adjacent to the door. This is completely acceptable in pouring rain, because, you know, getting wet is a problem (in the shower, it isn't, but to each his own). While looking for a parking space, I see gold. Empty parking space! Then I see horror, a car right there. Damn. And, I already turned. To my pleasure the car moved past the open space and stopped. He was waiting for someone to get in and BACK OUT of their car. Now you may be thinking, "The space was the one of the first ones, right?" Nope. This space he took was THREE spaces closer than the empty space. Are you seriously THAT lazy that you can't walk an extra 15 feet? Come on now. This guy goes in the category of people who tail pedestrians out of the mall going to their car, but once they get past a certain point, the driver decides "it's too far" and drives away. Doesn't really matter to me. I got two things out of this experience. My first post :-D, and that parking space without waiting, but dang it, my legs hurt from those extra 15 feet :(.

Blogroll Review

The blogs I found related to my topic vary in range of design. They range from the cheesy or kind of "sleezy" looking (dailydumb) to the very wordie and simple straightforward(Dumb Things), and finally the confusing content that left me saying "What am I supposed to be looking at?" (Darwin Awards). In the Daily Dumb blog, I enjoy the "Daily Content" section, but could do without the advertisements and tremendous amount of links. In the "Dumb Things" I found it extremely too wordy, without any real substantial breaks in content. There is only a blue header, and the text by its self, without pictures or multimedia, makes the blog look text heavy and possibly intimidating. The "Darwin Awards" seems to have a lot of information, but doesn't highlight the main point of the blog, so it's hard to differentiate between the real point of coming to the blog (the content), and the other "stuff".